This is the final item of the manifesto I found hidden away in a notebook a couple months ago. This has been an incredible journey working through them and doing additional introspection into these items that I felt were so important to write down.

Taking a once-hobby and monetizing it into a business is a constant process of holding things in tension--work vs. relaxing, profit vs. inclusion, sustainability vs. rapid growth and so on right down to deciding what and how much to share of my personal self and life in the business line.

I suspect many people, especially those also with a kind of micro-business or side gig or whatever you want to call it, are aware of the tendency toward grind culture and productivity every moment of every day.

To once again reference a favorite movie of mine, Dead Poet's Society, they talk about Carpe Diem--seize the day. The connotation of this is making the most of every single moment of every single day to advance our goals as quickly as possible. Get out there! Do it! And after Charlie Dalton has done something dumb (as teenagers are wont to do) in the name of carpe diem (sucking the marrow out of life), Mr. Keaton tells him that sucking the marrow doesn't include choking on the bone.

Grinding feels like choking on the bone. Working all the time feels like choking on the bone. And when I work all the time, it can put unneeded pressure on those around me to feel like THEY need to work harder, too. And it's this ripple effect of people trying to outwork each other to the goal.
​
But what if instead of trying to outwork ourselves to death, we instead honored who we are as people, who our potential customers are as people, who our associates (pattern testers, beta readers) are as people, and so on? What if we spent time publicly honoring ourselves as a person who needs rest and recuperation and had business practices that could accommodate that? Is it possible to hold all these things in tension and still be profitable? I suspect it is, although I am still muddling my way around trying to find that sweet spot.

As an AuDHD creative, it's pretty safe to say that there are A LOT of people who don't think like me. When I have enough time to process what is in my mind and the space to carefully and clearly say what I want to say, I'm a very effective communicator.

A part of autism is social deficits, which I *definitely* have. And a fun thing about how ADHD functions in me is also slow processing of immediate stimuli. It takes extra time for what is happening to make it through the labyrinth of my mind, integrate with all the other information in there, and come out as a useful piece of information on the other side.

So, honestly, I could probably elevate nearly everyone around who inspires me and fulfill that "who don't think like me" criteria. But I also recognize and acknowledge that there are some aspects of my demographics that give me advantages that others don't have, and I think this is where I can do the most good.
​
Most of this work is actually done internally in examining my own unconscious biases and isms (and we all have these), and with all that personal work, eventually what comes out the other side will be in alignment with the things I've integrated into the core of who I am. As I said two weeks ago, if it feels performative or inauthentic, I'm going to choose silence. But that silence should never be taken as being complicit to injustice--I'm still processing and that's okay. I don't need to have immediate opinions about things. I don't need to share immediate opinions. I can do what I need to do in being authentic to myself and my own limitations before acting on them. And in doing so, it creates a space where others are also free to take their time to process whatever may be happening before speaking about it, too.

As an add on to the previous manifesto item, I created this item specifically to remind myself to be intentional about how I operate my business, to recognize the ways in which small practices can actually end up undermining everything.

We all know what it's like to have someone (even ourselves!) say one thing and do another. We all know how infuriating it can be to see that kind of word/action dissonance. And we all know that even the small things can contribute to that kind of dissonance and eventual creep and rot of ethics or values. It doesn't matter if you SAY these are your values if you're not committing to them in even the small ways, too.

It's not a lie to say that not everyone has the same opportunities. Some people have to climb a lot further to even reach the starting point of others. And while I may be a tiny little microbusiness making $12 in one month and maybe $1000 the next if I complete a big project and have a relatively small reach, I can and must still operate my business with the guiding ethical practices that are core to my person.

I've developed this self-check idea over a number of years: Who you are when no one is looking is who you really are, and what you do with a little is what you will do with a lot.

It's not perfect, of course. We are our most comfortable selves when no one is looking, but the kinds of decisions we're prone to make when there is no external accountability is the base of ourselves. Those will be the gut reaction decisions when things get bigger. And if I run my business unethically to gain a large following quickly, then it's going be much harder to return to ethical practices later.
​
I think the biggest thing I've learned and am learning is that the true measure of success of my business lies in its sustainability over its profitability. Do I WANT to be profitable? Of course! If I didn't, I would have kept these as hobbies and not tried to monetize these skills. But there is a way to do that which is inclusive and honest and does its best to elevate others, too, instead of a way that steps on whoever is closest to my next goal.

Item 4 of my manifesto feels extra important these days. I know that I don't talk about really big or controversial things on this page very often at all, and maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? It's hard to say.

Truthfully, it takes me a long time to gather enough information to form an opinion that I feel comfortable standing behind and declaring, and often by the time I reach a conclusion, the discussion has moved well past the event. So it's hard to speak up about a lot of current events or topics. I don't want to speak in haste in case I've gathered a bunch of incorrect information.

However, I don't want anyone to ever believe that I'm not firmly committed to justice for all people, access to a life fully and dearly lived and loved, and the supports in place to optimize that reality for as many people as possible. I realize that these are very large and complex topics and to speak carelessly, blithely, or too quickly feels like a dishonoring of those principles I hold dear.

To that end, my business practices reflect, to the very best of my ability, the idea of worthiness as a human for no other reason than being human. When my pattern testers come and need to drop out of a test or are struggling or need an extension, I am always quick to reassure them that this is just yarn, that they need to take care of themselves or their family, and this should not feel stressful to them. I always want to make it clear that what they do for me is the LEAST important thing they do in their life. Everything in their day to day comes first. And if they have to drop the test, it's fine. I don't punish them. I don't kick them out of Discord. I don't ban them from ever testing again.
​
Additionally, I incorporate testing practices that make it the MOST likely that they will finish and ENJOY the process. I have GENEROUS testing deadlines and am happy to grant extensions if needed. I have ZERO qualms with the kind of yarn used. I'm happy to let people play around a little if they think this or that mod would work better. It's all about honoring them as people first, and as helping out my business and my dream as a very distant second.

This is week 3 of sharing the items I found in my Cari Jehlik Artist manifesto.

I think this one is the hardest for me to remember at all times. I am terrible about pressuring myself to do more all the time.
Have you ever seen the movie Dead Poet's Society?

​Several key things from have lodged into me permanently.
1. An adoration for Robert Sean Leonard. He's the real reason I ever watched House.
2. An overwhelming desire to be just like Charlie Dalton. And
3. The poem that he reads in the cave while showing off his saxophone skills:
Laughing crying tumbling mumbling
Gotta do more gotta be more
Chaos screaming, chaos dreaming
Gotta do more gotta be more

I think it's probably common among humans to feel like we need to constantly do or be more. Just one more thing. Just one more hour. If I achieve this thing or that, THEN I'll be worthy of that thing I'm chasing.

And so, this particular manifesto item feels apropos to counter the constant forward motion pushing of trying to achieve.

​Do you feel you resonate with Charlie's poem? Or does that idea feel pretty foreign to you?

​Item 2 is clearly a direct reference to Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey that I had listened to right before working out this manifesto. When you own a business, it's easy to let that business absolutely take over your life. When you're trying to MAKE MONEY, it's also easy to think that if I just work really, really hard for a while, I'll go viral, it'll pay off, and everything will be fine.

Also, grind culture is really prevalent in small businesses or side hustles or whatever you want to call it. I see and have seen the glorification of getting up at 4 am to get some work in, get yourself and possibly others ready for the day, then bust out a full day of work (that may or may not be related to said small business), do more side hustle work on lunch hours, take a few hours in the evening off to be with your family whatever that may look like, then put in a few more hours at the end of the evening before bed, get maybe 6 hours of sleep, then get up and do it all over again.

That feels like a REALLY unsustainable way to live.

I know that not everyone has the good fortune to not work or be able to quit their job to pursue a small business or whatever else. And I'm also not saying it's wrong to work hard for what you want.

I think the problem lies in the idea that this is the ONLY way or the BEST way. I've had seasons where I've woken up early to write or whatnot, but it's not sustainable long-term for me. When I was working daycare 50 hours a week, I didn't have much left in the tank at ANY point during the day to meaningfully put time into my business. I was SO TIRED. ALL THE TIME.
​
In the back of my head, I hoped that I would find something that would go viral and be an instant success and everything would be okay. I could stop daycare, focus on this full time, my husband could quit his job, we could buy a yacht and live our life traveling the world, and all kinds of other ridiculous dreams. It does feel a bit small business countercultural to resist the grind, but I think it's important for me to do so.

​I've been trying to organize my things a little bit around here by clearing out old stuff, tearing out obsolete lists from my notebook, and so on.

It's been fun seeing bits of past me, my priorities, attempts at keeping my business organized and moving forward, bits and bobs of ideas, and two FULL handwritten patterns (clearly someone needs to transcribe), and more. 

In this notebook, on the first page, is the Cari Jehlik Artist Manifesto that I wrote probably two or three years ago now, just as I was looking to start this business. I clearly wanted to lay out some guiding principles that are ethical and honor all human beings.

I then *promptly* forgot about it and moved along. What's really interesting as I revisit these is how true to the core of my being these items actually are. Other than sometimes pushing myself too hard, I've stayed true to these manifesto principles. Every practice I have very consciously implemented take into consideration other people, recognizing they have lives outside of their connection to me, and how as a general rule, I'm probably one of the LEAST important things about their lives. 

Thinking back, I remember having listened to Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey and feeling how deeply I connected to what she was saying. I know now that it's my neurodivergence that latched onto these principles so hard. Throughout my life, "the way that things are done" often didn't work for me. They were too hard to maintain and burned me out. A LOT. Now I know why. I didn't then. So in a way, I was pre-emptively honoring my own AuDHD limitations without having a name for them.
It's really interesting to come back to these and reflect. 

I've taken courses and signed up for free workshops (and even a few paid ones) and time and again the advice revolves around being completely consistent, doing things daily (or nearly daily), keeping track of this and that, and more. And this is ON TOP of the assumption that we're not doing this creative business full time. 

I don't know about you, but doing something DAILY is SO HARD for me. The autism LOVES this kind of routine, but the ADHD consistently sabotages every attempt at consistency. And I also CANNOT work from 5 am to 10 pm every single day. Because the advice is to wake up early, take advantage of lunch, work after kids go to bed, and it makes for a completely nonstop day. I burn out in, like, 3 weeks. I can muscle through for about that long, and then I'm dead. My brain fogs up, I'm irritable, and can't function properly, let alone optimally. 

So I'm glad I came across this manifesto again. I'm looking forward to consciously revisiting it. 

I've started to come across this question a lot in the spaces I find myself in and instead of trying to re-write the instructions all the time, I figured I could just write it down and refer people here instead. Seems easier. 

So, here's the question. I want to make THIS THING, but I want to modify it THIS WAY. How do I calculate yardage? 

Fortunately, you can figure that out in just 32 easy steps (it may actually be fewer, but it won't seem like it in the moment, haha!)

I want to break it down as simply and as easily as I can. I personally use Spreadsheets for this, but in order to do that, you do need to know how to use formulas in your spreadsheets. I won't bog this down with formula talk. I can do that in a different post if there is interest. 

You want to modify. Here's what you do: 

1. Get the dimensions of what you want to make. You want this so you can calculate the area of the piece. If you're wanting to add or lengthen a sleeve or use a different weight yarn on a shawl, I wouldn't worry so much about trying to calculate the decreases or the shape. Getting the overall length and width is fine with the understanding that you will be OVER-calculating your yarn needs. I like that because it avoids yarn chicken. 

2. Work up a swatch in the yarn you want to use with the hook or needle you want to use. This is VERY important. From this will be the basis for all your future calculations. If all you need is an alteration of the initial size, for example for a shawl you're changing yarn weight on, you can work a swatch in the first section of whatever stitch that is. If you're wanting to add sleeves, the work it in the stitch pattern of the sleeve. If you're doing a complicated stitch and you swatch in single crochet or stockinette stitch, your measurements will be incorrect. 

3. Measure (in cm) and weigh the swatch (in grams). If blocking is an essential piece, then block exactly how you will need to for the final product before you measure. Make sure it is COMPLETELY DRY before you weigh. Patience is the name of this game. I personally use a kitchen scale for all my yarn measuring. It's portable and has always been accurate enough for my purposes. I've never had issues. 

4. Then calculate your stitches per cm (I find sts/cm to be more accurate than sts/inch). I recommend counting your stitched per 4 or 5 cms then dividing, in case 1.5 sts/cm and not 1. Over time, that little bit of difference can add up to be a lot. 

5. Then divide the weight of the swatch by your sts/cm. That's will give your yarn weight per cm. To break that down more, take the GRAMS number and divide it by the number you got in STEP 4. That's why your final number will be the GRAMS per CENTIMETER. I found that thinking about it that way was helpful for me to conceptualize which number to divide by which other number. 

6. Divide the yardage/meterage of the yarn by the weight of the skein to get your yds or meters/gram weight. This information is found right on your skein of yarn. I live in the U.S. and so my brain works on yardage. I'm slowly working my way to grasp a better conception of meterage so that I'm working in metric completely instead of switching to imperial at the end.  I find I get a more accurate number when I stick with metric, but it's really a brain thing for me. To be entirely honest with you, I calculate in both as a check. 
​
7. Multiply your g/cm by the yds or meters/gram to get yardage per cm.  In other words, multiply the number from STEP 5 with the number from STEP 6. This number is how many yards or meters are in each cm of your swatch. 

8. Multiply your yds or m per cm by the total area of the garment (length x width) and you'll have an estimate of how many yards or meters you need. I know it probably feels a bit overwhelming and like a LOT of complicated math, but I promise you can do it. Just take it one step at a time, write EVERYTHING DOWN and CLEARLY LABEL each number so that you know where to reference back when it's time to move on. The longest step is working up the swatch and if you do that before you do everything else, then it's just a matter of sitting down and working through the math. 

If you need to change the size of something because you're working in a different weight of yarn, then you have extra steps. 

1. Determine the length of the beg chain/cast on edge
2. Multiply that by your stitches per cm 

It can get a little more complicated if you're working on, for example, a shawl that starts with 4 stitches and grows to 374 stitches. I can break that down in a different post. I want this one to be short and sweet and helpful. 

I have a picture here of my own personal spreadsheet for an actual project of mine. It's how I estimated the yardage requirements for that project. I measured both in metric and imperial as a checks and balances of my own math and honestly, it worked out. I was actually amazed and felt like a a bit of a wizard. You also can feel magical when you get this done the first time. 

Feel free to comment with questions or get a hold of my in the contact form. I'm happy to try to help you further if you need it. ​

. . . or so it may seem. 

I've spent some hours on this new site and trying to figure out how to get everything over here that I think might be important, but I realized something along the way. 

I'm doing something new here. 

And if it's something new, then the old doesn't really fit, does it? 

So, sure. I have four years worth of blog posts over at the old site, but most of them are from a place and an era where my goals were quite different from what they are now. I'm not trying to teach people how to write or edit or do stuff. I'm not trying to make up posts that satisfy the requirements of an e-course I once took. I'm not trying to project a certain image so that when a publisher looks at my website, they see something they want to see. 

Instead, this is a log of my journey. This is where things get personal. Not that personal. This is where I share my goals, my dreams, my thoughts, what's going on, if I missed a deadline, or a hundred other things I'd like to share. But honestly? My expertise as a writer isn't so great that I feel comfortable telling others what to do. And, even if I did, that would detract from the direction I'm going now. 

This space is about what I'm creating. 

​No more distractions of other things. Just creating.