To be totally honest, I'm not THAT familiar with Drops yarn, so I had to go look it up. (And Chat, it's SURI alpaca. FYI)

Turns out, Drops AIR is an aran/worsted weight yarn. Typically worked on US size 7-9 needles (4.5-5.5 mm). Chat thinks US 4?? 3.5 mm needles? 

Oh, and wait. There is a second strand of sparkly lace. I love a good sparkly yarn, so I'm down with that. However, worsted+lace is going to be nightmare to work on such small needles. 

Typically, one is going to want to use sport or fingering weight yarn on a size 4 needle. It takes 3-4 strands of fingering to make a worsted analog. That gauge is going to be SO tight. And then to work cables in addition to that? Where you are crossing stitches in front of or behind other stitches? Can you say broken or bent needles?? Aching fingers?

I have a fingering weight sweater design (not yet published, but someday it will) and I went to find the gauge for it. It's 24 sts x 32 rows over 4". Using Linen Quill from Purl Soho. 439 yds/100 g. It's a LIGHTWEIGHT yarn. 

So Chat wants fingering weight gauge using worsted yarn. Yikes. 

​Moving on. 

One size fits most. 

Okay. For mitts, I'm not going to get too worked up about that, but 6 stitches for sizing adjustments is QUITE a lot. Even at the hand-breaking gauge it wants. That's still an inch adjustment.

However, it also lists gauge AND has the pattern. There should be NUMBER measurements here. Inches. Centimeters. The cables, of course, will cinch it in, but there still need to be NUMBERS here. 

I read ahead in the pattern and I'm mystified by this mention of seamless cuff join. The pattern is worked in the round from the bottom up. That's total nonsense. The best part? It doesn't even START with said provisional cast on! 

The rest is fine. I guess. A well-written pattern would offer descriptions of these techniques, but I won't bust Chat's chops too hard for that. 

​Next. The pattern itself. 

Here's where I can get a little pickier. 

42 sts. Ummm . . . 

I was commissioned years ago to make A BUNCH of worsted mitts for someone to give as Christmas gifts. They were 40 sts AND had plenty of room for me to add a fleece liner so they were REALLY warm. But at THIS gauge? They'll be 7" around at the wrist, which is snug. And then add cables? They'd fit  my pre-teen children. Probably. 

If you want a Picot edge at the cast on, you list that first. ALSO, the instructions given are for eyelets, not picots. And there are PLENTY of tutorials on how to DO a picot cast on out there, so I won't go into detail about how to do that, but making eyelets ain't it. 

30 rounds of cabling. That's going to be about 4", which feels too long to reach thumb knuckle. Which I assume is what is meant by "until mitten reaches knuckle". (Also, it's a MITT, not a MITTEN.) So the ribbing will start at . . . your forearm? And then the cabling will show up just in time for your hand to be getting . . . wider? 

Not the choices I would make. Or anyone else who wants a thing that will fit. 

2" of increase in width to go around thumb doesn't feel completely unreasonable, so I'll give it that. It gives 1" to finish adding gusset stitches, so okay. I'm unconvinced that the shaping is going to work out with that particular placement, though. I think it's going to end up having a weird shape. The placement of increases would be better further apart, like at matching points on either side of the meaty part of the thumb. 

"Continue main body in pattern for 2 repeats. " So an inch and a half, but also, flat? In the round? Is it just joining the existing stitches? Do more stitches need to be cast on? 

Also, after doing the gusset, we've only worked about halfway up the thumb, so that will be uncomfortable. Especially because, remember, we're using WORSTED weight yarn at a FINGERING weight gauge, so there will be NO stretch at all. It's going to be stiff. And we're still not sure if we're supposed to work flat or rejoin in the round or add more stitches.

Then finishing with 4 rounds of ribbing. We started with 12. Why not mirror? And it probably won't even reach the knuckles. So it'll start at the forearm (which it won't even be able to stretch to accommodate) and then end halfway up the hand?? With a thumbhole too small for the thumb because we just rejoined, omitting those 13 gusset sts, and so it's too short.

And finally, the thumb. Picking up stitches to be 2.5 inches around. With our 1.5" gusset height. Will be snug, all things considered, but the length being just over an inch? Sure, I guess. Feels a bit short though. I'd go longer.

Duplicate stitch lyrics? Where exactly??? 

That's the only one that is totally nonsensical. There aren't enough stitches to begin AND there is a cable pattern! 

OH! SPEAKING OF! 

Remember that description piece about the cabling? And then it's just a repeat of 2x1 cables. Which I guess could be more interesting than a 2x2, but definitely not DRAMATIC CABLING. Dramatic would be all over cables going everywhere. Mini cables crossing the hands or complicated cable work with 4 or 6 "strands" of cabling dancing around each other.

I've been talking a lot now, so let's look at some pictures to prove that I do, in fact, know a little bit of what I speak. 

This is what a wrong side cable looks like. It's not reversible. It just looks silly. And yes, this cable was supposed to be on the outside and somehow I messed that up, I don't even know how, but these were made yeeeeeears ago, so I'll give younger and less experienced me a pass on that. These were my first attempt at making fitted, shaped, cabled mitts.

This is worsted weight yarn. Held by itself. On size 8 / 5.5 mm needles. Probably. 

As you can see, there is cabling. 40 stitches cast on. There is a lot of shaping, so the stitch count goes up and down. But 40 stitches. With worsted weight. On size 8 needles. And you can see how snug it is because of the cabling and ribbing. 

​I can say, with absolutely full confidence that this AI pattern will NOT fit, will be a *nightmare* to work, and won't even live up to its promise of being cyber-punk and dramatic and whatever else it said. It's going to be boring, stiff, and too small. 

And because I am on some mandated rest time (notice the compression sleeve under my own mitt-yes, these pictures were taken at the same time as I wrote this), I cannot actually make these to see, but I know there are other people volunteering to do it, so I can't wait to see what kinds of mess it comes out to be. 

It would be dishonest for me to say that I don't experience the anxiety that others do about AI coming for my creative work. I'm a pattern writer. A book writer. My entire professional life revolves around creative work and trying to make a little bit of money off of it. It's hard enough already to do these things and try to make any semblance of a profit that mirrors the work that goes into it. 

The thought that digital "intelligence" could come and take that away by making in seconds something that takes me months or even years to make is uncomfortable. It's worrying. Especially when a lot of people cannot easily spot the difference between AI generated and human generated. 

It helps to see the kind of slop that currently is out there-books and even patterns like this-and feel a little more secure in my profession for a little while longer, but it's creeping in. Or roaring in. Designers using AI-generated images for their patterns and AI-tech editing and so forth.

I'm the kind of person where creativity oozes out of me; it's not a containable thing. I have to make, to generate, to think up, to dream, to bring to reality. And it takes a lot of time and learning and built skill to do these things. It takes experience to know what will work and what won't and since Chat can't MAKE the thing to know it won't work, it will never gain that experience. I've learned by making stuff that sucks and isn't usable or wearable. I've written lots of stories not worth reading to finally be able to create stories that are worth reading. And again, Chat isn't able to READ or DISSECT like that, so it won't learn what to do to make good stories. 

BUT

When Chat can make these things in seconds or minutes and people turn around and try to sell it for a tiny fraction of what I charge that is more commensurate to my knowledge and experience, well, maybe that's another way that AI threatens our creative realms. People want artisan craftsmanship, but don't understand the artisan pricing that comes along with it. And I don't know what I or anyone else can really do about that. We can shout about it all we want, but the message will not get through. 

There are enough crafters who believe they are owed free patterns and cheap yarn and don't understand the huge amount of work that goes into thinking something up and then making sure it works both in concept and explanation. 

So where do we go from here? 

That's a great question. We keep crafting. We choose intentionality in our purchases. We find people we trust and support their work in supporting our crafting dreams. We keep moving forward. 

After all, what else can we really do? We can't let the slop win.

Have thoughts about any of this? Share them below! 

3. I do think I've started to establish a business rhythm. I have alarms on my phone twice a week set to remind me to check my social media posts. Mostly it works, so that's good. Of course, I have a few times turned it off while I was doing something else only to immediately forget it ever went off, but that's how it goes. I think until I'm ready to PAY for scheduling software (or, even better, a social media PERSON), this is as good as it's going to get. I can only do so much when I'm running a business and a household with 4 active children. 

We just talked through kid activities for the coming school year since registrations have opened and hoo boy are we going to be BUSY. Two kids with practices 3x a week, games and meets on weekends, and a third child joining a sport which will eat up more weekends. I think establishing a workable rhythm now while we're relatively unbusy will help so that when things REALLY blow up, I might be able to keep up with some of it. 

In that vein, I started with posting 3x a day to see if volume would increase engagement. I'm not sure that I'm seeing a TON more engagement than I had before or if I'm getting more reach. For July, I'm going to go down to just twice a day and change up the times just a little bit--right away in the morning and later in the evening instead of mid-morning, noon, and mid-evening. I was thinking about the times people are most likely to be free to peruse social media and those times felt more likely, but again, we'll see. I've been just winging stuff up until now so it's new territory to be trialing different things and trying to see results. 

4. I have really hit this one. I got one pattern into tech editing, finished another sample and it's in tech editing. I've also nearly finished writing a third pattern and will get THAT sent off to my tech editor. (so if you'd like to pity purchase a pattern from me to help me afford these, I wouldn't be sad. Ha!) 

I have 2 cowl patterns that I need to finish and publish (just need photos. The samples are done and ready) and 5 coozie pattern updates to finish. My Discord testers were SUPER generous and whipped up some samples that I could use for pattern photos and I just haven't forced myself to sit down and get those patterns updated. But that definitely needs to happen. I love the patterns more than ever after seeing their samples, so I'm excited about them. Updating patterns is just tedious and boring and hard to motivate to do sometimes. 

SO

Where do I go from here? 

​I think I'm going to maintain being social media free on my phone. I'm considering adding Discord back in BUT turning off all notifications. That way, I'm heading in when I WANT to and not because I have a zillion notifications stressing me out. I do worry that I'll spend too much time doomscrolling Discord, though, so I'm going to really really think on that before I make any decisions. 

So that's where things are right now. 

Overall, I do feel like things have been MUCH easier to manage this past month and I'd like to continue with the successes I've found while also balancing my newfound reluctance to be part of the system that caused me so much distress. I stepped away from constant social media because it wasn't good for me and now I'm trying to do social media. It's . . . confusing a little, but alas, such is it when you're a small-timer trying to run your own small creative business. 

I know I don't have the real business acumen to do the business part well, so I'm trying to learn what I can at a reasonable rate and apply it and just try to do better while still keeping in mind my manifesto items. 

I hope you're well yourself and that you enjoyed this little waltz through my brain around all this. I wrote it here because it is certainly too long and involved for a newsletter, but it is something I wanted to share anyway. I know I enjoy when a creative shows the behind the scenes kinds of things so I'm trying to do some of the same. 

This is the final item of the manifesto I found hidden away in a notebook a couple months ago. This has been an incredible journey working through them and doing additional introspection into these items that I felt were so important to write down.

Taking a once-hobby and monetizing it into a business is a constant process of holding things in tension--work vs. relaxing, profit vs. inclusion, sustainability vs. rapid growth and so on right down to deciding what and how much to share of my personal self and life in the business line.

I suspect many people, especially those also with a kind of micro-business or side gig or whatever you want to call it, are aware of the tendency toward grind culture and productivity every moment of every day.

To once again reference a favorite movie of mine, Dead Poet's Society, they talk about Carpe Diem--seize the day. The connotation of this is making the most of every single moment of every single day to advance our goals as quickly as possible. Get out there! Do it! And after Charlie Dalton has done something dumb (as teenagers are wont to do) in the name of carpe diem (sucking the marrow out of life), Mr. Keaton tells him that sucking the marrow doesn't include choking on the bone.

Grinding feels like choking on the bone. Working all the time feels like choking on the bone. And when I work all the time, it can put unneeded pressure on those around me to feel like THEY need to work harder, too. And it's this ripple effect of people trying to outwork each other to the goal.
​
But what if instead of trying to outwork ourselves to death, we instead honored who we are as people, who our potential customers are as people, who our associates (pattern testers, beta readers) are as people, and so on? What if we spent time publicly honoring ourselves as a person who needs rest and recuperation and had business practices that could accommodate that? Is it possible to hold all these things in tension and still be profitable? I suspect it is, although I am still muddling my way around trying to find that sweet spot.

As an AuDHD creative, it's pretty safe to say that there are A LOT of people who don't think like me. When I have enough time to process what is in my mind and the space to carefully and clearly say what I want to say, I'm a very effective communicator.

A part of autism is social deficits, which I *definitely* have. And a fun thing about how ADHD functions in me is also slow processing of immediate stimuli. It takes extra time for what is happening to make it through the labyrinth of my mind, integrate with all the other information in there, and come out as a useful piece of information on the other side.

So, honestly, I could probably elevate nearly everyone around who inspires me and fulfill that "who don't think like me" criteria. But I also recognize and acknowledge that there are some aspects of my demographics that give me advantages that others don't have, and I think this is where I can do the most good.
​
Most of this work is actually done internally in examining my own unconscious biases and isms (and we all have these), and with all that personal work, eventually what comes out the other side will be in alignment with the things I've integrated into the core of who I am. As I said two weeks ago, if it feels performative or inauthentic, I'm going to choose silence. But that silence should never be taken as being complicit to injustice--I'm still processing and that's okay. I don't need to have immediate opinions about things. I don't need to share immediate opinions. I can do what I need to do in being authentic to myself and my own limitations before acting on them. And in doing so, it creates a space where others are also free to take their time to process whatever may be happening before speaking about it, too.

As an add on to the previous manifesto item, I created this item specifically to remind myself to be intentional about how I operate my business, to recognize the ways in which small practices can actually end up undermining everything.

We all know what it's like to have someone (even ourselves!) say one thing and do another. We all know how infuriating it can be to see that kind of word/action dissonance. And we all know that even the small things can contribute to that kind of dissonance and eventual creep and rot of ethics or values. It doesn't matter if you SAY these are your values if you're not committing to them in even the small ways, too.

It's not a lie to say that not everyone has the same opportunities. Some people have to climb a lot further to even reach the starting point of others. And while I may be a tiny little microbusiness making $12 in one month and maybe $1000 the next if I complete a big project and have a relatively small reach, I can and must still operate my business with the guiding ethical practices that are core to my person.

I've developed this self-check idea over a number of years: Who you are when no one is looking is who you really are, and what you do with a little is what you will do with a lot.

It's not perfect, of course. We are our most comfortable selves when no one is looking, but the kinds of decisions we're prone to make when there is no external accountability is the base of ourselves. Those will be the gut reaction decisions when things get bigger. And if I run my business unethically to gain a large following quickly, then it's going be much harder to return to ethical practices later.
​
I think the biggest thing I've learned and am learning is that the true measure of success of my business lies in its sustainability over its profitability. Do I WANT to be profitable? Of course! If I didn't, I would have kept these as hobbies and not tried to monetize these skills. But there is a way to do that which is inclusive and honest and does its best to elevate others, too, instead of a way that steps on whoever is closest to my next goal.

Item 4 of my manifesto feels extra important these days. I know that I don't talk about really big or controversial things on this page very often at all, and maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? It's hard to say.

Truthfully, it takes me a long time to gather enough information to form an opinion that I feel comfortable standing behind and declaring, and often by the time I reach a conclusion, the discussion has moved well past the event. So it's hard to speak up about a lot of current events or topics. I don't want to speak in haste in case I've gathered a bunch of incorrect information.

However, I don't want anyone to ever believe that I'm not firmly committed to justice for all people, access to a life fully and dearly lived and loved, and the supports in place to optimize that reality for as many people as possible. I realize that these are very large and complex topics and to speak carelessly, blithely, or too quickly feels like a dishonoring of those principles I hold dear.

To that end, my business practices reflect, to the very best of my ability, the idea of worthiness as a human for no other reason than being human. When my pattern testers come and need to drop out of a test or are struggling or need an extension, I am always quick to reassure them that this is just yarn, that they need to take care of themselves or their family, and this should not feel stressful to them. I always want to make it clear that what they do for me is the LEAST important thing they do in their life. Everything in their day to day comes first. And if they have to drop the test, it's fine. I don't punish them. I don't kick them out of Discord. I don't ban them from ever testing again.
​
Additionally, I incorporate testing practices that make it the MOST likely that they will finish and ENJOY the process. I have GENEROUS testing deadlines and am happy to grant extensions if needed. I have ZERO qualms with the kind of yarn used. I'm happy to let people play around a little if they think this or that mod would work better. It's all about honoring them as people first, and as helping out my business and my dream as a very distant second.

This is week 3 of sharing the items I found in my Cari Jehlik Artist manifesto.

I think this one is the hardest for me to remember at all times. I am terrible about pressuring myself to do more all the time.
Have you ever seen the movie Dead Poet's Society?

​Several key things from have lodged into me permanently.
1. An adoration for Robert Sean Leonard. He's the real reason I ever watched House.
2. An overwhelming desire to be just like Charlie Dalton. And
3. The poem that he reads in the cave while showing off his saxophone skills:
Laughing crying tumbling mumbling
Gotta do more gotta be more
Chaos screaming, chaos dreaming
Gotta do more gotta be more

I think it's probably common among humans to feel like we need to constantly do or be more. Just one more thing. Just one more hour. If I achieve this thing or that, THEN I'll be worthy of that thing I'm chasing.

And so, this particular manifesto item feels apropos to counter the constant forward motion pushing of trying to achieve.

​Do you feel you resonate with Charlie's poem? Or does that idea feel pretty foreign to you?

​Item 2 is clearly a direct reference to Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey that I had listened to right before working out this manifesto. When you own a business, it's easy to let that business absolutely take over your life. When you're trying to MAKE MONEY, it's also easy to think that if I just work really, really hard for a while, I'll go viral, it'll pay off, and everything will be fine.

Also, grind culture is really prevalent in small businesses or side hustles or whatever you want to call it. I see and have seen the glorification of getting up at 4 am to get some work in, get yourself and possibly others ready for the day, then bust out a full day of work (that may or may not be related to said small business), do more side hustle work on lunch hours, take a few hours in the evening off to be with your family whatever that may look like, then put in a few more hours at the end of the evening before bed, get maybe 6 hours of sleep, then get up and do it all over again.

That feels like a REALLY unsustainable way to live.

I know that not everyone has the good fortune to not work or be able to quit their job to pursue a small business or whatever else. And I'm also not saying it's wrong to work hard for what you want.

I think the problem lies in the idea that this is the ONLY way or the BEST way. I've had seasons where I've woken up early to write or whatnot, but it's not sustainable long-term for me. When I was working daycare 50 hours a week, I didn't have much left in the tank at ANY point during the day to meaningfully put time into my business. I was SO TIRED. ALL THE TIME.
​
In the back of my head, I hoped that I would find something that would go viral and be an instant success and everything would be okay. I could stop daycare, focus on this full time, my husband could quit his job, we could buy a yacht and live our life traveling the world, and all kinds of other ridiculous dreams. It does feel a bit small business countercultural to resist the grind, but I think it's important for me to do so.

​I've been trying to organize my things a little bit around here by clearing out old stuff, tearing out obsolete lists from my notebook, and so on.

It's been fun seeing bits of past me, my priorities, attempts at keeping my business organized and moving forward, bits and bobs of ideas, and two FULL handwritten patterns (clearly someone needs to transcribe), and more. 

In this notebook, on the first page, is the Cari Jehlik Artist Manifesto that I wrote probably two or three years ago now, just as I was looking to start this business. I clearly wanted to lay out some guiding principles that are ethical and honor all human beings.

I then *promptly* forgot about it and moved along. What's really interesting as I revisit these is how true to the core of my being these items actually are. Other than sometimes pushing myself too hard, I've stayed true to these manifesto principles. Every practice I have very consciously implemented take into consideration other people, recognizing they have lives outside of their connection to me, and how as a general rule, I'm probably one of the LEAST important things about their lives. 

Thinking back, I remember having listened to Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey and feeling how deeply I connected to what she was saying. I know now that it's my neurodivergence that latched onto these principles so hard. Throughout my life, "the way that things are done" often didn't work for me. They were too hard to maintain and burned me out. A LOT. Now I know why. I didn't then. So in a way, I was pre-emptively honoring my own AuDHD limitations without having a name for them.
It's really interesting to come back to these and reflect. 

I've taken courses and signed up for free workshops (and even a few paid ones) and time and again the advice revolves around being completely consistent, doing things daily (or nearly daily), keeping track of this and that, and more. And this is ON TOP of the assumption that we're not doing this creative business full time. 

I don't know about you, but doing something DAILY is SO HARD for me. The autism LOVES this kind of routine, but the ADHD consistently sabotages every attempt at consistency. And I also CANNOT work from 5 am to 10 pm every single day. Because the advice is to wake up early, take advantage of lunch, work after kids go to bed, and it makes for a completely nonstop day. I burn out in, like, 3 weeks. I can muscle through for about that long, and then I'm dead. My brain fogs up, I'm irritable, and can't function properly, let alone optimally. 

So I'm glad I came across this manifesto again. I'm looking forward to consciously revisiting it.