This is the final item of the manifesto I found hidden away in a notebook a couple months ago. This has been an incredible journey working through them and doing additional introspection into these items that I felt were so important to write down.

Taking a once-hobby and monetizing it into a business is a constant process of holding things in tension--work vs. relaxing, profit vs. inclusion, sustainability vs. rapid growth and so on right down to deciding what and how much to share of my personal self and life in the business line.

I suspect many people, especially those also with a kind of micro-business or side gig or whatever you want to call it, are aware of the tendency toward grind culture and productivity every moment of every day.

To once again reference a favorite movie of mine, Dead Poet's Society, they talk about Carpe Diem--seize the day. The connotation of this is making the most of every single moment of every single day to advance our goals as quickly as possible. Get out there! Do it! And after Charlie Dalton has done something dumb (as teenagers are wont to do) in the name of carpe diem (sucking the marrow out of life), Mr. Keaton tells him that sucking the marrow doesn't include choking on the bone.

Grinding feels like choking on the bone. Working all the time feels like choking on the bone. And when I work all the time, it can put unneeded pressure on those around me to feel like THEY need to work harder, too. And it's this ripple effect of people trying to outwork each other to the goal.
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But what if instead of trying to outwork ourselves to death, we instead honored who we are as people, who our potential customers are as people, who our associates (pattern testers, beta readers) are as people, and so on? What if we spent time publicly honoring ourselves as a person who needs rest and recuperation and had business practices that could accommodate that? Is it possible to hold all these things in tension and still be profitable? I suspect it is, although I am still muddling my way around trying to find that sweet spot.

As an AuDHD creative, it's pretty safe to say that there are A LOT of people who don't think like me. When I have enough time to process what is in my mind and the space to carefully and clearly say what I want to say, I'm a very effective communicator.

A part of autism is social deficits, which I *definitely* have. And a fun thing about how ADHD functions in me is also slow processing of immediate stimuli. It takes extra time for what is happening to make it through the labyrinth of my mind, integrate with all the other information in there, and come out as a useful piece of information on the other side.

So, honestly, I could probably elevate nearly everyone around who inspires me and fulfill that "who don't think like me" criteria. But I also recognize and acknowledge that there are some aspects of my demographics that give me advantages that others don't have, and I think this is where I can do the most good.
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Most of this work is actually done internally in examining my own unconscious biases and isms (and we all have these), and with all that personal work, eventually what comes out the other side will be in alignment with the things I've integrated into the core of who I am. As I said two weeks ago, if it feels performative or inauthentic, I'm going to choose silence. But that silence should never be taken as being complicit to injustice--I'm still processing and that's okay. I don't need to have immediate opinions about things. I don't need to share immediate opinions. I can do what I need to do in being authentic to myself and my own limitations before acting on them. And in doing so, it creates a space where others are also free to take their time to process whatever may be happening before speaking about it, too.

As an add on to the previous manifesto item, I created this item specifically to remind myself to be intentional about how I operate my business, to recognize the ways in which small practices can actually end up undermining everything.

We all know what it's like to have someone (even ourselves!) say one thing and do another. We all know how infuriating it can be to see that kind of word/action dissonance. And we all know that even the small things can contribute to that kind of dissonance and eventual creep and rot of ethics or values. It doesn't matter if you SAY these are your values if you're not committing to them in even the small ways, too.

It's not a lie to say that not everyone has the same opportunities. Some people have to climb a lot further to even reach the starting point of others. And while I may be a tiny little microbusiness making $12 in one month and maybe $1000 the next if I complete a big project and have a relatively small reach, I can and must still operate my business with the guiding ethical practices that are core to my person.

I've developed this self-check idea over a number of years: Who you are when no one is looking is who you really are, and what you do with a little is what you will do with a lot.

It's not perfect, of course. We are our most comfortable selves when no one is looking, but the kinds of decisions we're prone to make when there is no external accountability is the base of ourselves. Those will be the gut reaction decisions when things get bigger. And if I run my business unethically to gain a large following quickly, then it's going be much harder to return to ethical practices later.
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I think the biggest thing I've learned and am learning is that the true measure of success of my business lies in its sustainability over its profitability. Do I WANT to be profitable? Of course! If I didn't, I would have kept these as hobbies and not tried to monetize these skills. But there is a way to do that which is inclusive and honest and does its best to elevate others, too, instead of a way that steps on whoever is closest to my next goal.

Item 4 of my manifesto feels extra important these days. I know that I don't talk about really big or controversial things on this page very often at all, and maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? It's hard to say.

Truthfully, it takes me a long time to gather enough information to form an opinion that I feel comfortable standing behind and declaring, and often by the time I reach a conclusion, the discussion has moved well past the event. So it's hard to speak up about a lot of current events or topics. I don't want to speak in haste in case I've gathered a bunch of incorrect information.

However, I don't want anyone to ever believe that I'm not firmly committed to justice for all people, access to a life fully and dearly lived and loved, and the supports in place to optimize that reality for as many people as possible. I realize that these are very large and complex topics and to speak carelessly, blithely, or too quickly feels like a dishonoring of those principles I hold dear.

To that end, my business practices reflect, to the very best of my ability, the idea of worthiness as a human for no other reason than being human. When my pattern testers come and need to drop out of a test or are struggling or need an extension, I am always quick to reassure them that this is just yarn, that they need to take care of themselves or their family, and this should not feel stressful to them. I always want to make it clear that what they do for me is the LEAST important thing they do in their life. Everything in their day to day comes first. And if they have to drop the test, it's fine. I don't punish them. I don't kick them out of Discord. I don't ban them from ever testing again.
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Additionally, I incorporate testing practices that make it the MOST likely that they will finish and ENJOY the process. I have GENEROUS testing deadlines and am happy to grant extensions if needed. I have ZERO qualms with the kind of yarn used. I'm happy to let people play around a little if they think this or that mod would work better. It's all about honoring them as people first, and as helping out my business and my dream as a very distant second.